Now What? Life After Birth

So, you've followed me through the birthing process. Now what?

Well, that's a great question. One Hubby and I are still asking ourselves. The thing is, no one really tells you what happens next. After the baby is out, everyone kinda focuses (rightly so) on them, and mom kind of goes on the back burner. I probably even got a little more attention from the medical staff due to my RSD, but even then, it was minimal.

We were moved to our post-pardem room and kind of left to our own devices. The baby was with us, and hubby and I just kind of looked at each other in confusion as we tried to figure out what we were supposed to do. Do we feed her? How do we know when we are supposed to feed her? How the heck do you burp a newborn? When does she get a bath? How do we ensure the diaper is properly on her? Why the hell wasn't anyone explaining this stuff to us?

We used that nurse call button ALL. THE. TIME. Those poor nurses were running back and forth to our room probably WAY more than they ever wanted. Luckily, they were all incredibly nice and helpful. We just had to know which questions to ask, which was part of the problem.

We probably made things a little worse because we INSISTED on going home early. They were telling us to expect to go home on Saturday or Sunday (keeping in mind we were admitted on Wednesday night and I gave birth on Thursday morning.) That wasn't going to happen. I hate hospitals and it wasn't like we were getting any sleep or anything. We just wanted to go home and be surrounded by our things, sleep in our bed, and be with our dogs. I'd learn the hard way that it may not have been the best choice, but at the time I was more focused on going home and starting life as a family.

After quite possibly the most frustrating final hospital evening ever, we were cleared to go home since both Amelia and I were "doing so well." We got home and it finally hit us. We were no longer just a couple. We were parents. A tiny human relied on us for every single thing and we needed to be responsible enough to allow her to need us fully. Suddenly all of the equipment we purchased before she got here: the swing, the bassinet, the changing table, etc. seemed daunting. She was so small. She wasn't even 6 pounds. She was made even more small by these gigantic pieces of baby gear and it almost seemed like we had to protect her even more.

But something amazing happens. Something else just takes over. My instincts kicked in and I knew how to comfort her. I knew how to hold her. I knew when she needed to eat, even when she didn't wake up. No one taught me this stuff - it just sort of happened. Thank goodness, too. I had been super scared I was going to break this kid.

Not too long after we got home and settled in, I started to have a lot of pain. I figured it was normal, but after a few days of intense pain and fevers so bad I was literally sweating and shaking and shivering from being so cold, I went to the doctor. I had an infection. Likely a uteran infection along with good 'ol mastitis. Eventually I got some antibiotics and was feeling a little better in a few days. But those days when I was waiting for the meds to kick in were TERRIBLE. I could barely move. Somehow my RSD had reached epic proportions and every single move I made was excruciating. I think I even had a mini-breakdown at some point because my mind and heart were 100% glued on the baby, but my body wasn't allowing me to do what I needed to do to be a good mom. I felt like I was failing. Not great when you haven't been sleeping on top of it. Eventually, things got a little better when the RSD pain became manageable, but daaaaaang.

In the 3 weeks we've been home, we've learned so much. I'll list a few of them below, keeping in mind of course, the this was my personal experience and certainly isn't the gospel.

1. I didn't miss the little scenario I had played out in my head about how all of this would go down. I figured my water would break at home, I'd call Hubby at work, he'd rush home in typical panic-y dad fashion and rush me to the hospital where I'd check in, push, out would come baby, and we'd have this sort of picture perfect experience. Mine was unexpected, but as controlled as humanly possible. My pain was managed as much as it could be, and they never let my RSD pain get bad enough. They were constantly checking on me, my pain, and asking questions about how the RSD was affecting me. That's EXACTLY what I needed. And frankly, it went quickly. From the time they induced me to the time I had Amelia, it was only 13 hours. From the time stage 3 labor began, it was only 16 minutes until she was out (I mean, it was a really uncomfortable 16 minutes, but still.) The hospital staff was really impressed. Apparently things don't typically move that fast - especially for 1st time moms.

2. When someone asks you if they can help: accept it. I didn't think I wanted anyone around us so we could simply learn how to be a family of 3. But it's REALLY hard: much harder than I expected. The pain you feel after pushing a human out of your body is insane, and not just in the places you'd expect. EVERYTHING hurts. You've just gone through a ton of adrenaline. I guess it's kind of like being in a car accident. Your muscles ache for quite some time. It hurts for every woman. RSD on top is just sort of like an additional kick in the teeth. As much as Hubby tried to do everything so I could recover, there's just too much. Honestly, I don't know what we would've done without my mom and step dad. They've been life savers. Our church is amazing and members have been signing up to bring us meals. Seriously, as much as I thought I could do it all before having her, I was wrong. Accept the help.

3. You sort of lose yourself. At least I did. I used to get kind of annoyed when someone I was close to would have a baby and every single conversation or interaction was always about the baby. Facebook would be flooded with pictures, and my friend would sort of morph into someone else completely. Well, now I get it, and I was INSANELY wrong for thinking the way I did before. The fact of the matter is, it IS all about the baby for that friend. Every single thing you do from the moment your eyes open to the few seconds they close at night is built around the tiny human. You're feeding them at least 12 times a day. You're buried in dirty diapers. You're talking to your spouse or your child pretty much exclusively. It's life. And it's kind of the way it should be. It's not like you just got a new car or something. It's the single biggest life change you'll make. So, I shamelessly flood Facebook with photos. I post about her all the time. I walk around the house like an extra from the Walking Dead. I forget to brush my hair pretty much all the time. I'm starting to feel much more like myself, but it takes a long time. I can still be the Disney-loving, clown-hating person I was before...just changed. But really? I still have absolutely no concept of time.

4. Thank goodness, the weight comes off quicker than I expected. By the time I got to the doctor for my appointment for the infection, I was below the weight I was before I got pregnant. I certainly wont be wearing a bikini any time soon (I didn't have many stretch marks while pregnant, but boy do I have them now!) but it was nice to slip into pre-pregnancy clothing pretty much right away.

5. If you have a question about something your baby is doing/an illness/etc. DO NOT GOOGLE IT. Seriously, don't. Ask a medical professional. You'll be convinced you or your kid is dying.

6. Cabbage is a god-send. Weird, right? Well, I'm not breastfeeding. I got back on my Lyrica pretty much immediately. It's not safe for baby, so we knew going into this that we'd be exclusively bottle-feeding. Well, your body doesn't care - you're getting milk whether you want it or not. And of course, mine came like a thief in the night. One night I was normal. The next? BA-BOOM. My poor tatas were massive and hard as a rock. I had an infection, which is pretty common in women who aren't breastfeeding since it didn't have anywhere to go. The cure? Cabbage. Yep. The green leafy stuff. I put cabbage leaves in my bra for about 3 days and viola! No more milk. BEST. VEGGIE. EVER.

There's so much more, but that's all I can think of right now.

So there we are. Life is different. It's awesome, frustrating, amazing, exhausting and perfect all at once. We're trying to soak up every single second of this phase as much as we can. We know it's going to fly by. She'll only be a baby for so long, and someday I really will look back on this and miss it. For now, I build my days around cuddles, feedings, cat naps, and smiles. And you know what? It's pretty damn awesome.