Why I Will Never Win in the Mommy Wars

You've probably heard of this term, yes? The Mommy Wars. Who comes out on top when stacked against other moms. It's like the Hunger games, but way more pretentious. Well, I'm here to tell you right now that it's 100% real, and I lose.

Picture 2 women walking into the pediatrician's office. The first woman looks amazing. She's worked hard to get her pre-baby body back. Her hair is shiny and styled. Her baby is wearing an outfit that is perfectly coordinated with the bow in her hair. Baby is sitting in a stroller that very obviously cost over $300.

The second woman looks like she just walked out of a tornado. Her hair is an absolute mess. She's wearing yoga pants and an old t-shirt and flip flops. She's still got some of that baby weight around the mid-section. Her baby has a onesie on - no pants. Her stroller is perfectly functional - but obviously not expensive.

Who's the better mom?

If you said either one: you're wrong. There's no comparison.

Here's the deal: I'm more like the second woman than the first. I'm fairly certain there is spit up in my hair. I'm positive there is spit up on my shirt. I can't even trust that I brushed my teeth this morning. But you know what? I don't really care. I'm alive. And doesn't my kid look remarkably well-put together? Good. Because I've put all of my time into her.

Here's the deal. My daughter is formula fed. A boobie never touched this kid's mouth. Sure, it's due to my medical condition, but that shouldn't matter. We use disposable diapers. We don't make our own butt wipes. I don't use expensive boutique clothes, or baby products. I get most of mine from Target. BUT THAT'S OKAY. And to those out there that have a lot of wonderful, expensive things for their babies; or the ones who cloth diaper and make their own wipes or who breastfeed - you guys are awesome too!

I've had people ask 'Is she a good baby?" Ummmm. What? I was unaware there was such a thing as a "bad" baby? What does a good baby do? I have no idea what that question means, but I'm fairly certain you were looking for me to break down and talk about how she keeps me up all night or that she's crying non-stop. Does that make a "bad" baby? Cuz that sounds like a baby to me. Luckily, mine sleeps at night and doesn't cry unless she's hungry. How does she stack up there?

I'm not in a competition. If it makes someone else feel better to be able to point at me and say "Well, I'm a better mom than THAT lady", go for it. Why women do this is beyond me. We're all pretty amazing, so cutting others down to feel superior in this stupid war is just dumb.

I am a good mom. I may not LOOK like it, but I am. I love my daughter more than life itself. She's got clean clothes. She's got a truckload of diapers. She's got safe, comfortable places to sleep. She's got lots of toys and more books than you can shake a stick at. She's going to be smart. I know she is. I can see her taking in the world every single day and discovering new things. And I'm proud of her. You have no idea. But does that make her better than others? No. Because every child is amazing - just like every parent is amazing.

So don't bother. If you were planning on comparing notes, you'll want to look elsewhere. I have no freaking clue what I'm doing. But I know I'm doing what works for MY baby. I consult my pediatrician (who I love) and we make the decisions based off of her suggestions. Something that may have worked for our parents or grandparents may not work for us.

Maybe that's what the Mommy Wars are really about. Maybe we're all so lost in this parenting thing that pretending we're doing it better than someone else helps us feel like we're doing something right. None of us knows what we're doing. We're all making this up as we go along. We have some guidelines, sure. Anyone who claims differently is lying. Instead of comparing ourselves to each other - let's look at our kids. Are they loved? Are they fed? Are they clothed? Are they safe? If so, then you're absolutely doing something right.

So to any mom; past, present or future who may be reading this: you're awesome. Now, go get some cookies or cake and spoil yourself. Happy early Mother's Day!